


Our Hardest Mission

by foxanddanapetrie



Category: Spooks | MI-5
Genre: AU, Angst, F/M, One Shot, Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-10
Updated: 2020-06-10
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:28:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24647200
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/foxanddanapetrie/pseuds/foxanddanapetrie
Summary: AU where Ruth and Harry are married.  Ruth finds out she's pregnant - leading her to have to tell Harry something that happened when she was in Cyprus.
Relationships: Ruth Evershed/Harry Pearce
Kudos: 27





	Our Hardest Mission

**Author's Note:**

> tw: miscarriage, loss of baby, pregnancy after loss
> 
> Hey guys, I honestly don't know where this came from?? It was just something that popped into my head one night. I'm not even sure if I really like it but I'm posting it anyway.
> 
> Enjoy and please review!

When she walks into the bedroom, he’s already laying in bed, one hand behind his head. He turns towards her and smiles and watches as she takes off her long grey skirt with the paisley pattern and her button down and climb in next to him in a purple tank top and black underwear. He then lets out a content sigh as she moulds herself to his chest like she’s done for so many nights. 

She presses against him, wraps her arm around his torso and rests her head on his chest.

“Ruth…” He says warily. Something had been off with her for the past couple days. She doesn’t respond but simply looks up with sadness in her eyes. “Has something been bothering you?”

Her sadness doesn’t leave but she smirks a little bit. “You know Harry, the thing about marrying a spook is that you can never hide anything from them. They pay too much attention.”

“What is it then?” He asks as he smooths some hair away from her eyes. She kisses his chest before propping herself up on her elbow so that she could see him.

“Harry,” she says looking down at the fraying hem of the blanket. “I have to tell you something. And I’m just so sorry that I do because I hoped I would never have to.”

“I know we’ve never been that great at communicating but you can tell me anything, Ruth, you know that.”

“Yea- Yeah. I know. See, the thing is,” She stutters, still trying to avoid eye contact. No wonder everyone on the grid always thought she was so anxious.  _ Can’t have a proper serious conversation with anyone _ , she thought. “You know that scar, on my stomach? The one you’re too kind not to ask about?” She asks with a sense of adoration hidden in her voice. When I was in Cyprus...I, um, I got pregnant.” And with that she finally looked him in the eyes searching for a reaction. He remained stoic respecting the fact that Ruth needed time to get things out. “I got pregnant, and I thought, this is it. My life had done a complete 180 and here I was with a house, a husband, and soon to be two kids.” She paused acknowledging the confusion and sorrow in his eyes, giving him time to process. When she continued, he noticed the tears pooling at the corners of her eyes willing themselves to fall while Ruth fought against them. “And then at about eight months, all sorts of things went wrong and I had to have an emergency c-section. And on that day, I saw the most…” She takes this time to sit up, cross-legged and at this moment, the tears won and began to fall silently down her cheeks. “The most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen in my entire life. He only lived for about four and a half hours so I, uh,” Somehow that same fraying hem of the blanket had become her lifeline, something she could pick at and keep her eyes on throughout her story. “So I held him, and I talked to him so he could know my voice, and I memorized his face. He had the most wonderful eyes. Sort of like the color of mine but a little darker.” Briefly, her tone shifted from sorrow to pride as she described her son. “And then he left.”

As the tears turned into soft sobs, Harry reached for her hand to get her to look at him.

“Ruth,” he said as she nodded, almost knowing what he’d say “I am, god I’m so sorry. I had no idea.” 

“I know. You shouldn't have had to know. It’s not your problem.”

“You know you can always unburden anything you need to on me. I’m not fragile, Ruth.”

“I know and I love you for it.” She says as she puts her hand on his cheek. “But the thing is, you need to know because...I’m pregnant. And I’m terrified because I don’t think I can go through that again. But what’s worse is I feel like my only option is to try.”

Ruth laid back down and curled herself into Harry’s body and let him wrap his arms around her. 

“Oh Ruth, I wish I could make it easier for you. I wish I could tell what the right decision is but you know I’ll support you in whatever you choose to do.”

“Thank you.” She says, her voice muffled by his chest.” She looks up at him again. “I’m so sorry Harry. For making everything so complicated all the time. I haven’t even asked you how you feel about any of this.”

“Ruth…” He says, looking into her eyes and taking her in. “The day you said yes to me...I thought that nothing else could ever make me happier, that that was the luckiest I could ever be. But when i think about having someone who’s half you and half me...that’s luckier.” He felt tears fall on his skin as she tried to brush them away quickly. “You know I’ll do everything I can to make sure this goes smoothly. We’ll make sure you take it easy, even though somehow I sense you’ll give me a hard time about that. We’ll just take it one day at a time.”

  
The next morning, he wakes up and rolls over to see Ruth lying on her back with one arm sprawled out over her head, breathing steadily. Trying not to wake her, he slowly stretches out his hand until it meets her stomach and rests it there, taking in everything they said last night. The truth is, he never thought about being a father again. That part of his life had come and went and he didn’t consider himself to be very successful at it in the first place. But Ruth had changed him. Ruth had swooped into his life and made him rethink everything. Suddenly she had him reading Greek poetry and lighting incense when he got home from work - things that he never would have considered before he met her. A bright light now shown on him wherever he went and with that light he knew that they would be fine - that they would be able to get through this, one step at a time. His first mission was to convince Ruth to start leaving the grid earlier and get home at a reasonable time.  _ Might be my hardest mission yet,  _ he thought.


End file.
